Well, I survived my first day back to work. I’m not going to lie, it was really, really tough. I felt like I forgot everything I learned during my training (over two weeks ago), and it was kind of like starting all over again. I also realized that I still have a lot to learn, and the next four months are going to be challenging.
These struggles have made me realize my one word for the year:
I want to feel at peace with my job. I want to feel at peace with my finances. I want to feel at peace with my family, my friends, and every decision that I make. Sometimes, I might have to work through struggles until I feel at peace. Other times, I might have to say “no,” or admit that it’s okay if I change my mind.
I haven’t hidden the fact that I struggle with anxiety. Sometimes I stay up too late at night on purpose, so that I don’t have to face my fears in the morning. Sometimes, I cry. Sometimes, I ignore the outside world by immersing myself in books and TV (‘Gilmore Girls’ got me through my freshman year of college). Most times, I go to the gym and sweat out my emotions. Or I write. But none of these things are permanent fixes.
This year, someway, somehow, I want to figure out how to let go and feel at peace with my life. I want to learn how to manage my anxieties and fears so they don’t bring me down more than they should.
This is my year to feel at peace. I am praying for it.