Well, I survived my first day back to work. I’m not going to lie, it was really, really tough. I felt like I forgot everything I learned during my training (over two weeks ago), and it was kind of like starting all over again. I also realized that I still have a lot to learn, and the next four months are going to be challenging.
These struggles have made me realize my one word for the year:
I want to feel at peace with my job. I want to feel at peace with my finances. I want to feel at peace with my family, my friends, and every decision that I make. Sometimes, I might have to work through struggles until I feel at peace. Other times, I might have to say “no,” or admit that it’s okay if I change my mind.
I haven’t hidden the fact that I struggle with anxiety. Sometimes I stay up too late at night on purpose, so that I don’t have to face my fears in the morning. Sometimes, I cry. Sometimes, I ignore the outside world by immersing myself in books and TV (‘Gilmore Girls’ got me through my freshman year of college). Most times, I go to the gym and sweat out my emotions. Or I write. But none of these things are permanent fixes.
This year, someway, somehow, I want to figure out how to let go and feel at peace with my life. I want to learn how to manage my anxieties and fears so they don’t bring me down more than they should.
This is my year to feel at peace. I am praying for it.
I like this a lot. I often stress myself for no apparent reason-job related. I hope that this year goes well for you and anxiety goes lower. I can relate to that with social anxiety and fear a lot.
What a great word/mantra for the year. I love this, girl! I can relate to you about anxiety. I have terrible anxiety at times. When I’m not actively seeking peace, my anxiety is like a volcano ready to spew over into every area of my life. But when I am actively taking care of myself and aware of what makes me anxious, life is so much better. I’m looking forward to seeing your progress this year (because you WILL progress!). And I’ll be praying for you.
Thank you, Melissa!
Love it.
Your vulnerability comes through in this post so much it breaks my heart. I am a life-long battler of anxiety and know all too well the struggle that never ends. I go through periods of life where I feel its in “remission”, but its always there to rear its ugly head at the slightest change in life or circumstance.
You have just had an EPIC year of many accomplishments….be so proud of yourself for that! And take it day by day with your job. I can tell you know the *rules* for helping anxiety: Eat right, exercise, pray/meditate/practice yoga. I enjoy reading your blog and know you are headed for great things. I hope you know you’re not alone.
Thank you!
I hope you can get through your anxiety, I’m dealing with some serious anxiety right now and I’m not handling it well! I need to learn meditation or something to calm down!
this is so well put. I too struggle a lot with anxiety and what I have learned is just I need a better tool box of coping mechanisms to make it easier to get through the day
That is such a great word for the year. I can completely relate to wanting to find peace in all areas of life. You’d think that by now, I would find more peace in certain areas but I tend to focus on the ‘not so good’ over the good (where I can ultimately find peace.) I’ll be thinking and praying for your peace this year, friend.
Thank you, Diane!
So know how you feel. Anxiety is one of the worst feelings ever. I recently had to start taking medication to control my anxiety because it got so bad. I also do the whole tv and book thing. I’ve seen every episode of Gilmore Girls so many times. Something about watching Lorelai calms me! Or I’ll watch Friends. Because Friends is never a bad idea!
I watch ‘Friends’ too! I’ve seen every episode
. I’ve considered going on medication, but I’ve been trying to avoid it as long as I can. My anxiety always gets worse in the winter time, and at night, so I’m hoping I feel better when the sun’s out more often.
I completely understand this feeling of yearning for peace…I’m praying for it nearly every single day lately….I’ll pray for you too!
Thank you, I’ll pray for you too
!
Big hugs to you hun. I’ve struggled with anxiety for pretty much my whole life, and there were times it got to be so debilitating that I had to take time off from school/work to get it under control. One thing that I’ve really found that helps is doing my best to put my trust in God. When we realize that He has a plan for us and that there’s so much that’s beyond our control, it kind of takes the pressure off.
Thank you
. I agree. I pray and read positive messages every morning and night!
I used to be like this and I somehow trained myself to just let things go. I realized that I cannot change some things in my life no matter what, so I just have to deal with it. No amount of stress, anxiety, or sleepless nights will change it. It started affecting my health.
I can’t exactly explain the process I went through, but it involves A LOT of “self talk”, a little prayer, and a LOT of time!
An unexpected byproduct of this is, I no longer have road rage! That was something else that I struggled with, when people made me mad in traffic, I would go ballistic! Now—nothing! I just let them be stupid & go about their merry way and I do not worry about it one bit. I like to blow them a kiss now, that really unsettles them! haha!
I don’t deal with anxiety myself, but my husband does, so I have an idea what you are dealing with & I applaud you for writing about it. I am hoping you find the peace you need.
Emily, Thank you for making yourself vulnerable and writing about this. I’ll be praying for God’s peace and comfort to rest on you. I know exactly how you feel. I have a lot of anxiety as well, especially when there is change in my life or I feel insecure or incompetent. I’m about to start my first day of work tomorrow, and so am battling with some anxiety today. I keep telling myself to remain humble…to accept that I will not feel comfortable or secure right off the bat, and to learn from those moments instead of letting them overwhelm me or get me down! I keep 2 Corinthians 12:9 in my head also, that God’s power is made perfect in my weakness and His grace is sufficient for me!!
If I was picking a word for this year, “peace” might definitely be it. I’m in such need of this right now! I’ve just been under a lot of stress right now… and nothing would make me more happy than to live the next year peacefully! It sounds like you could use the same.