I didn’t post yesterday, because I was waiting for my bad mood to pass. I wanted to see if my negative thoughts went away, because I know that it’s not always fun for you guys to read about my frustrations. I’m not one of those high energy people who is happy all of the time (though sometimes, I wish that I was), and big changes in my life magnify that personality trait, or lack thereof. I was feeling “blah.”
My first day of work was okay (thank you for all of your positive thoughts!). The kids were good, my co-workers were nice, and everything went as it should have. I’ve worked there before, so I had an idea of what to expect. But something felt funny. The last time I worked in this program, I was a 21-year-old college senior, and life was different. It’s amazing how much has changed in three years. I’m no longer a college student. I’m married, with new responsibilities. I no longer have homework, or campus life to worry about, unlike the girls that I’m working with. I feel old. I feel like I’m going backwards.
In the two days that I’ve worked, two girls have asked me, “What are you doing here?” I know that they are just curious, but I don’t always like explaining my story. Another girl said, “I hope that I have real job after college.” I said the same thing when I was in college, so I get it, but it triggered something in me that made me upset. Why am I working 3 hours a day, 40 minutes from home, with kids trying to get in their work study hours? Why am I going backwards in life?
Those were my thoughts as of last night. And then I got online to check the comments on my blog, and this one from Mel appeared:
“Thought I’d share one of my favorite quotes – it has gotten me through post-graduation shock and plenty of quarter-life crises: “No one ever won a chess match by making forward moves only. Just like in life, you have to move backward to take a better step forward.”
It was exactly what I needed to read. I don’t know why I am where I am, or how long I will be here, but I know that it’s where I need to be right now. It’s only temporary. Eventually, I will move on.And in the meantime, I will gain something from this experience, whatever it might be.
Have ever you had to go backward in order to move forward?
Have you ever felt like the “old” one in a group?