I didn’t post yesterday, because I was waiting for my bad mood to pass. I wanted to see if my negative thoughts went away, because I know that it’s not always fun for you guys to read about my frustrations. I’m not one of those high energy people who is happy all of the time (though sometimes, I wish that I was), and big changes in my life magnify that personality trait, or lack thereof. I was feeling “blah.”
My first day of work was okay (thank you for all of your positive thoughts!). The kids were good, my co-workers were nice, and everything went as it should have. I’ve worked there before, so I had an idea of what to expect. But something felt funny. The last time I worked in this program, I was a 21-year-old college senior, and life was different. It’s amazing how much has changed in three years. I’m no longer a college student. I’m married, with new responsibilities. I no longer have homework, or campus life to worry about, unlike the girls that I’m working with. I feel old. I feel like I’m going backwards.
In the two days that I’ve worked, two girls have asked me, “What are you doing here?” I know that they are just curious, but I don’t always like explaining my story. Another girl said, “I hope that I have real job after college.” I said the same thing when I was in college, so I get it, but it triggered something in me that made me upset. Why am I working 3 hours a day, 40 minutes from home, with kids trying to get in their work study hours? Why am I going backwards in life?
Those were my thoughts as of last night. And then I got online to check the comments on my blog, and this one from Mel appeared:
“Thought I’d share one of my favorite quotes – it has gotten me through post-graduation shock and plenty of quarter-life crises: “No one ever won a chess match by making forward moves only. Just like in life, you have to move backward to take a better step forward.”
It was exactly what I needed to read. I don’t know why I am where I am, or how long I will be here, but I know that it’s where I need to be right now. It’s only temporary. Eventually, I will move on.And in the meantime, I will gain something from this experience, whatever it might be.
Have ever you had to go backward in order to move forward?
Have you ever felt like the “old” one in a group?
I can totally relate to not wanting to post when you are in a crappy mood. I normally take a step back and really just relax. It helps pass the mood and I always feel ten times better.
“Real” job talk is stupid. I spent two summers working at camp, and though that may not have been a “real” job in the benefits (or, you know, making more than minimum wage…or even making minimum wage at all haha) sense, I sure did more work there than I’ve ever done at any other job. I understand why it feels like you’re moving backwards, but I think classifying one job as “real” and another as not is belittling. A job is a job — you’re still putting in effort, you’re still getting new experiences, you’re still developing as a person in some way or another. Like you said, you’re going to gain something from this experience, even if you don’t know what it is right now. In the mean time, keep your chin up!
I just want to thank you for being so honest and open in your posts. I’m a college senior and next year will be facing a super scary job market, uncertainty of what state Josh and I will be moving to, and I’ll be newly married (July 2013!). Everyone that paints a rose colored picture of the transition between college and the “real world” are oftentimes not being honest. So many people are going through what you’re going through right now and it is really refreshing to read about it so I know what to expect.
You are welcome! No one ever told me the truth about life after college, so I that’s why I want to be honest. And yay for almost being married!
You are welcome! No one told me what to expect before I graduated, so that’s why I want to be open about it.
I totally understand where you’re coming from. Now that I’m graduated, I thought I’d have a ‘real’ job but I had to realize that everything takes time. I’m not a very patient person so this reality was something I wanted to block out and fix as soon as possible.
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve realized that I need to enjoy this time and view it as a season. I will keep pursuing my ‘dream job’ (to the best of my ability; the parts I can control), and just enjoy the moment and the blessings that I do have. I know it’s easier said than done but it has given me some freedom that I didn’t originally have
God has a perfect plan for you Emily (even when it feels like we’re moving backwards or in circles). He tells us so in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Hang in there – it’s only a season.
Thank you, Diane
. That’s what I kept reminding myself yesterday, and I did have a better day!
Emily- I recently came across your blog but haven’t commented yet. I’m a new blogger and still discovering so much! Anyway, I had to comment on this post just to say that I can relate to everything that you said. I’ve been “underemployed” ever since graduating from college last year. I, too, moved backward and resorted to relying on a low-paying job that I’ve had since junior year of college. It’s been frustrating, to say the least.
I finally worked up the courage to leave that job (my last day is tomorrow) in order to pursue other things. I’m really nervous about being unemployed, but I’m trying to remain positive in the meantime by reminding myself that this is normal and only temporary. It’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone in my struggles- so thank you so much for sharing!
And also, you were such a beautiful bride!
Thank you for sharing your story (and for the compliment
). Everything will work out!
Hey hey! I’m glad it was what you needed to hear! It is a goody.
I agree with the commenter above. Once you are out of college you begin to realize that no job is any less “real” than another. You are mature for wanting to take on responsibility and to leap into the work force – but really cherish this time discovering more about yourself. (Have you ever taken the StrengthFinder’s quiz?) Also, don’t let any stranger’s comments or Facebook comments make your situation seem any less legitimate.
I have taken a ton of career aptitude type tests. I have an idea of what my ideal job would be, I just don’t know how to make it happen! Thank you
!
we all have different paths in life, they all take time to form. i know it must be hard seeing yourself someplace you have already been but it is a starting point. small steps lead to those great leaps that you will soon find.
Hang in there girl!!! These kids have no clue what it is like to be in the “real world”. I just hope when they get out it isn’t a slap in the face for them. You can be a really good influence on them! See this time as an opportunity to mentor these girls.
Thank you
Emily- I know exactly what you mean. Lately I have been feeling like I’m paddling like crazy but not getting anywhere! I have certainly had many late night convos with myself where I have thought “What am I doing with my life?!” You just have to stay afloat and keep paddling. Someone with through a life boat your way soon, but the wait it terrible. Hang in there girl!
Thank you! And yes, it is!
a job is a job as long as you’re having fun and you don’t mind it. they don’t know how hard it is to get a job nowadays. don’t let peoples negativity bring you down!
Hi Emily,
Just came across your blog and really enjoy your honesty.
I will say this-make the most of what you have each day. Alteast you have a PT job. Regardless if its something that does not fulfill you right now. Its something you will learn from (you may not see it now, but 10 yrs from now you may).
This is life-we will not always find ourselves where we ‘think’ we should be, and this will happen to you throughout life, regardless.
I have taken many steps back in my career over the years (I am alot older than you!) and I have learned from them. The feeling that I had to be a Supervisor since I have been in the industry so long, however, I was miserable. The feeling I had to make a certain salary since I have been in the industry so long. These things are not what makes us happy all the time. I have taken min. pay jobs, with hopes the lack of ‘responsibilty’ will make me happy (it didnt).
Every job is a learning experience and in the end, will teach you to be true to yourself and learn what makes you content/happy/fullfilled.
And what I have found out, after all these years stressing over work, is that its the OTHER things in my life that make me happy-husband, home, family….
I look forward to reading your blog/journey.
xoxoxox