Oh. My. Gosh. In less than three weeks, I will be a “wife.” It hit me this weekend at my bachelorette party. I am feeling so many different emotions right now — I don’t even know where to begin.
I’m excited. I get to marry my best friend, the person I’ve been dating for 3 1/2 years. I get to live with him, have more independence with him, and start a family with him. There are a lot of exciting things to look forward to.
And then I am sad. I keep thinking that I only have two weekends left in my house — the house that I’ve lived in for 13 years. When I went away to college, I knew I’d be coming back someday, but this time, I know that I am moving out for good. I’m sad that the “childhood” chapter in my life is ending, and I’m truly moving onto the adulthood one. I’m leaving my parents, leaving the dependent life that I’ve been living for so many years.
I’m also anxious — anxious for what the future holds. I have to learn how to pay bills, and buy groceries, and do things that so many 23-year-olds already know how to do, but I have not had to because I’ve lived at home. I have to learn a new way of living, one that requires me to be more responsible. It’s a good thing, and I know I’ll never grow if I don’t change, but it’s also nerve-racking because I don’t know what to expect.
And then I’m scared. Scared that I’ll be a blubbering mess as I walk down the aisle — as I dance with my dad to this song.
I’m an overly emotional person on a regular day, so who knows how I’ll be on the biggest day of my life. I’m scared that I’ll get too wrapped up in the emotions and feel too nostalgic on my wedding day, a day that is supposed to be exciting and happy.
I don’t like change. Jordan and I are both the oldest in our families, and I know our parents will find it difficult to see us walking down the aisle. The hardest part, for me, will be when my dad gives me away. And when we dance to that song.
Sometimes I wish I was one of those girls who never cries — but God (and everyone who knows me) knows that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not getting cold feet. I love Jordan, and I’m ready to move forward in our relationship. I’m just bringing up the feelings that seem to get ignored in the whole wedding planning process — the feelings that “Say Yes to the Dress” and “Four Weddings” never reveal.
Thankfully, my supportive cousin, who was married nearly 9 months ago, is able to give me advice and help prepare me for what I should expect. And I hope by writing this post, others will come forward too ;).
Tomorrow, I will be back with a bachelorette party recap (we had a great time!). Thanks for bearing with today’s heavy post until then!
If you’re married, did you ever have these feelings?
If you’re not, do you think that you will?