Engagement fever and Wedding pressures

My sophomore year of college I had a professor tell me that much of the five years after graduation would be spent at engagement parties, wedding showers, weddings, and other celebrations of the like.  Even though I haven’t even attended my commencement ceremony yet, I  know that my professor was right.

I’m in two weddings in October, one weekend separating the two. The first is my cousin’s, the second, my friend’s. Last summer I attended my college suitemate’s wedding, and recently I have been having lots of “We’ve talked about getting married!…” conversations with my close girlfriends. Everyday a new “engaged”  relationship status pops up on Facebook, and I’ve been getting wedding dress flyers in the mail (I may or may not have signed up for a “wedding dress giveaway” from Alfred Angelo- don’t judge). Don’t get me wrong,  I am thrilled for all of my engaged friends and family. But, while I love wedding planning just as much as the next girl, I am feeling the pressure to plan my own.

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This isn’t something I was going to talk about on the blog, but I feel that every girl has an opinion (or helpful advice, maybe :) ) on the topic. The exciting, but sometimes scary, “getting married” topic.

Here’s the thing- I thought I was ready. In November, Jordan and I looked at rings. We looked at rings, and I narrowed down my favorites. I told him he could “pop the question” when he was ready. He gave me a practical response, telling me that he needed to pay off a good chunk of his student loan debt first. I, at the time, was bummed by his practicality (perhaps one sign that I was not ready).

Our earlier dating days

Then those feelings changed. The closer to graduation I was, the closer to being in the “real world” I became. I had another conversation with him, telling him that I’d like to wait until I finished school. Then, without a lead on a job or a reliable source of income, I became the practical one. I began using the word “budget”; I began researching the cost of rental properties; I began discussing joint bank accounts and commuting distances. I kind of took the fun and romance out of (the idea of) getting engaged, and turned it into a chore. And then it wasn’t so appealing anymore.

I love Jordan, I do. And I have to wonder, will I ever be 100% financially, emotionally, and mentally ready? I don’t even pay my own bills yet. I don’t even have a job yet. And I have student loans. Lots of student loans. How do you know when you’re ready? Are you ever completely ready for anything in life?

(Source)

Nothing is as simple as the “Check Yes or No” days anymore. But maybe this is a part of growing up. Maybe this is a part of embracing change.

When do you know that you’re ready to commit your life to someone you love, your best friend, for forever?

It’s one of those things that I’m figuring out as I grow up. Maybe you’re never 100% ready for anything. Maybe you just have to give it time. Or maybe you have to take a leap of faith.

I do know one thing. When it does happen, he will be there to catch me, to embrace the change with me.

Do you ever feel the pressure?

If you are engaged or married, how did you know when you were ready (financially, emotionally, mentally)?

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14 Responses to Engagement fever and Wedding pressures

  1. I agree. I’m only going to be a senior in college but a lot of my friends are older. It seems like everyone is getting engaged now. I know I won’t be ready until we are both financially stable and in good areas of our life.

  2. I honestly have no advice, everything you said makes so much sense though… I romanticize things but I think when it comes down to it I’ll start being more and more afraid of truly taking that leap. And ultimately I do think there’s some amount of leaping, regardless of the practicality. I mean, that’s really what love is, isn’t it? A leap?

    I loved reading this, thank you so much for sharing it with us <3

    n

  3. Jess says:

    I know what you mean. To me, there is something that seems very romantic about getting married semi young. However, I just think that paying own bills and being independent on your own is necessary before getting married (I want to be able to support myself before i get into that).

    But I still think about my own wedding a lot, and honestly, if he asked, I’d say yes. ahha. so i am a big hypocrite!

  4. Oh girl….I know exactly how you are feeling. My boyfriend and I have been dating forever, almost 7 years, and we’ve talked about it and agreed to wait until school is over. I have no problem what so ever with the idea of marriage- I have always felt that I look our relationship seriously and so does he. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else but I’m also not what I would consider your typical college student so I don’t know if that is a factor. Budget wise I understand that whenever we do get engaged my ring probably won’t be grand BUT after this long I am expecting a pretty exciting proposal and I want to be surprised! Surprisingly though I don’t have many friends getting engaged-but some of them are having babies?

  5. greaaaaaaaaaaat post! This is the story of my life right now! Seriously, when my gfs get together we go down the list of whos engaged, whose getting married this summer, and whose popping out babies. Not me, thank godness! I don’t feel the pressure of getting engaged becuase everyone else is but I do feel ready to get engaged so I can be closer to my boy. Since he is in the Marines, he is stationed in Cali so we are apart for the next 4 years unless we tie the knot. This, though, I feel is NOT a legit reason to get married so I think we will just wait until we know that we are ready to get married!

    • I don’t think you could’ve said it better…it is very important to be ready before jumping into it because of peer pressure or other reasons! I give you so much credit for doing the long distance thing for that long…I bet you’re very proud of him :) !

  6. We jumped into marriage for the practicality of it! haha How unromantic is that?!
    Don’t get me wrong, we were 110% in love and knew we wanted to get married, but we couldn’t live together until we were married and we thought we were going to need to move in order to be closer to his parents to help his mom who has Alzheimer’s.
    We got married a year after our 1st blind date and then ended up not moving after all! We were spending a TON of $ each living on our own so that played into our quickie wedding planning too, but don’t get me wrong…I wouldn’t have done it just to save some dough. We just decided that we knew we were going to be together forever so why put off making it official :)

    And PS: You WILL get asked at your wedding when you are planning to have kids…the pressures just shift to the next major life event. haha

    • I actually understand, because my boyfriend and I won’t live together until we’re married either. It would be much more convenient if we lived each other..we’d see each other so much more! Ah..kids… I’m not ready for that yet!

  7. Michael Steurer says:

    Hey, I understand where you are coming from. 1.) no matter what happens, if you two love each other you will be able to wait as long as you want. 2.) Going to be a little blunt, but if you think of money as being an issue, it just gets worse as you move on, house payments, new car payments, and the regular bills, so in other words dont let money get in the way, I know its hard but it will work out!!! 3.) I cant wait to see you two get married, you two make a great couple and will have a wonderful life!! If you need anything dont be afraid to come over and talk!!

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